A Positive Mess – My Missed Miscarriage Story

I had never heard the term “missed miscarriage” until the words came out of my ob/gyn’s mouth. It was a Thursday, I was in my 9th week of pregnancy, and I’d just had an ultrasound that revealed sad news. There was no heartbeat. I should have miscarried. Possibly even many weeks earlier… but my body didn’t get the message. It kept right on increasing my HCG, my boobs, and my excitement. It was a cruel trick.

My sleepy husband and cutie pie son on Father’s day, with the hoodie we would eventually use to reveal our news…

A little backstory. I am lucky to be mommy to (biased parent warning) the cutest little 4-year-old in the world. And he was a total surprise! But there is no doubt that he was right on time. With my first pregnancy, I didn’t even know I was pregnant until about 8 weeks. I mistook implantation bleeding along with a small placental tear for a light period, and it wasn’t until the nonstop nausea started that I got suspicious. So, at that very first visit, just days after learning I was pregnant, I got to hear his little heartbeat, and take home a picture that looked like a peanut inside of an oval. A surprise pregnancy came with it’s own set of hurdles, but we were very lucky we got to skip all of the fertility stress that first time around. Our baby was healthy and perfect.

Since almost the moment our son came into the world, my husband and I have known we want to give him a sibling. For a bunch of reasons (the most recent delay being travel to dang Zika regions!), we chose to wait a while between kiddos. But the thing is, I suffer from this thing called “advanced maternal age,” and apparently my condition is only getting worse!? So we figured we better get on it. This past February I had the goalie pulled, we received the most surprising box of swag ever – a box of ovulation and pregnancy tests from Clearblue (no pressure! But also…thank you!), and got to trying.

Our awesome Clearblue goodies!

Having never “tried” before, I thought it would be fun! Oh, boy. Anyone who has been through this knows it is NOT. It was stressful almost immediately. I will admit I had an argument with a digital ovulation stick that claimed I was having a “low fertility” day. It was very one-sided. I said some things I shouldn’t have. But it turns out I just started testing too late in my cycle, and we made up the very next day when said stick showed “peak.” I told my husband to COME HOME NOW in a scary voice. And just a couple weeks later I saw a very faint line pop up next to the control. I was pregnant!

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